Welcome To My Mind

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I hate how i think about how perfect we were together and how you would tell me all the time that we were, and we were meant to be together. And how we’d just lay in bed on the phone late at night and talk until the sun came up. You used to send me these texts that made me swoon every time i’d get them, they were so simple and really didn’t hold any merit…they just made me happy. Almost every day you’d text me with “be mine forever darling” or even paragraphs sometimes and i’d always tell you that i already was, or “as long as you’re mine”. And it was perfect and i always felt so loved. You know you didn’t have to tell me you loved me, i knew you did, i just liked the way you said it, the way your voice fell each time you said ‘you’ or the way you’d say a different pet name each time. I hate thinking of these things and feeling so empty and lonely without you. And it’s not something people can necessarily understand because every love is different, and ours was wildly romantic and true. It’s not something i can understand myself. I believed you loved me, even in the end i believed you loved me and maybe even still…but as the days go by i tell myself you don’t anymore because for some reason i feel like that’ll make things easier it’ll make things make more sense. But then i remember the way your voice sounded, or the way your lips would curl up in a smile when you’d say my name or how you’d roll your eyes playfully when i’d pout after you teased me and you’d reassure me “i’m just teasing baby”. I’ll remember all the times i had with you…even from a distance it still felt so close and close to my heart. i pray and hope that you still love me too and that you miss me as much as i miss you and that in the end this ‘break up’ will make us stronger. Because after 4 weeks i’m still not ready to let you go and i’m afraid i won’t ever be. Maybe my mind will be-i can convince myself but i can’t convince my heart. You were the love of my life and i feel like your name is still written all over my heart. I’m still so devastated and still all i want is you. But all i can do is write my feelings down because i don’t know how to tell you any of this myself. I can’t because that would be interfering with your space and time. I’m just hoping that this can make us better for each other. Because i love you still and i am dying to hear you tell me the same. I’m sorry for ruining what we had, i murdered our love and until this day i will be the one to blame.